"We Don't Need You....."
by Renata Vallazza on Sunday, February 18, 2007 at 11:44am
So this past Friday was an interesting day to say the least.
I wake up, do my usual thing, get ready, take my vitamins, and I go outside to scrape the ice of my car as I have done every morning since it has turned cold.
(This whole snow and ice thing is getting really old. Anyone who likes snow can trade places with me immediately)
I warm up my car, let it run for about 15 minutes and I begin to drive to work. Less than three blocks away from my apartment, my car begins to act crazy. There's a boiling and whirring sound coming from under the hood of my car that does not sound reassuring. My speedometer is going haywire going from 45 mph to 60 mph just on its own.
All I can think of, as usual, "WHY ME?!!!!"
I kept praying to God, "I don't want to die, I don't want my unborn child to die. Lord, I know I've been a bad person and I'm sorry and I'm asking for true forgiveness. RIGHT NOW!!!!!! WAH!!!!!!!!"
I called my dad, The Rescuer, and told him that I would be stopping by to take my mom's car or one of his many other cars to work since I didn't want myself or my baby to be blown to bits. All this time, my car is making that crazy sound and I'm crying and I'm thinking, "I just want to GET OUT OF KANSAS!!!!"
I stop off at mom and dad's house, get my mom's car and drive to work.
I get there and all of my work that I've done this past week has been completed and so have all of my suspenses to check on work that has been requested, which has been requested and finalized. So I sat around trying to think of what to do.
I asked if it would be okay to clean and dust and wash windows. I was told yes, so I did that.
After I finish cleaning, (mind you , I'm "The Flash" when it comes to cleaning. In fact , I'm like that when it comes to any kind of work that I do) I ask if there's anything else that I can do. They said, "No" and I thought to myself, "Well, hell! I want to go home so I can sleep. I want to go shopping for clothes or something! I'm going stir crazy here"
The mail came and I did that work. I sat around asking people if there was anything that I could watch them do or learn or even help them do. No. Nothing.
Towards the middle of the afternoon, close to "going home" time, I noticed it start to snow. Again.
I mentioned to my boss if it would be okay for me to leave early. She actually said, "Shut the door, there's something that I want to talk to you about."
I thought to myself, "What have I done now?"
I sat there across from her while she listed off a few things that I was doing and that I was not doing.
"Your personal sounds are really annoying."
"Oh, I know," I told her. "I've stopped making my "Happy Sounds."" I make chirping sounds when I'm happy. Since they've told me that it's improper to make those noises, I'm no longer a chirpy little person. I'm a sad person.
"No, I'm talking about your hiccuping"
Recently, since finding out that I'm pregnant, my digestive tract has gone haywire again. The first time it went haywire was when I came back to my lovely home state and discovered that all my nice veggies and good food would be no more since they cost out the wazoo here. Lots of fatty foods and processed crap! I feel like a sloth now eating what the rest of the Midwest Heifers eat.
I've been burping a lot (unfortunately, some food does come up) and trying to keep it under my breath, but people can still hear it. So in order to combat my loud burps, I've been hiccuping a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot.
If I can't burp, I hiccup. Since I know (and you all now know) that hiccuping is less invasive than burping, I figure it's better than having to burp under my breath and run the risk of vomiting all over my computer.
I apologized that my hiccuping was being disruptive, but I gave her an explanantion as to why I've been doing them. I mean, I am sorry, I didn't realize that they were THAT disruptive.
She didn't buy that. "Do you realize how unprofessional that is? It's also annoying to have to keep a tally of how many times you hiccup in a five minute time span. I also think that you do them for attention"
My thing is that the only real contact that we have with agents outside our office is through the phone and email. When I answer the phone, I KNOW to not hiccup. I try not to hiccup around people when they're on the phone. I can't help it-you want to tell my stomach to stop, go ahead. However, my digestive track has a mind of its own.
She also mentioned to me that since my news of my pregnancy this past week, that I am in limbo. "you need to find something to do. "
Uh, hello?! Haven't I been doing strange things anyways that aren't in my job title?
"Now that you're pregnant, we don't really need you. If you were going to stay here, we could use you, but you say that you're getting married and moving back to Florida. The only reason we're keeping you is because we know you need the health insurance."
I sat there across from her with my eyebrows raised, which I think is the first time I've done so in the many "ettiquette" lectures I've received from her and my other boss. I actually got upset. I could feel the anger and the rage begin to build up inside of me and begin to crawl up my back.
I wanted to say a few things to her. But then I realized that after trying to explain myself, and also reminding her that the Chairman of our company farts in the office like there's no tomorrow (which I think is kind of funny, but also pretty invasive) that I would probably say a few things that I shouldn't, so I kept my mouth shut, and smiled and nodded.
This whole week I've been feeling useless at work. My new promotion has been taken away from me because I'm now pregant and moving back to Florida. So, I have no work now to do. There's a new girl doing my old work and so I am "useless'' to the company.
Honestly, they don't pay me enough to deal with their kind of stuff. If they can't be understanding and have to be uptight about not just mine, but my coworkers little habits, then how are they going to keep employees around?
She kept me 20 minutes over to tell me that my hiccups were annoying and that they didn't need my services anymore, but they'll keep me around just because.
I grabbed my coat, my scarf and hat and my purse and walked out of the office. As I began to walk towards the elevators, the anger just started boiling, just like my car had done earlier. I pressed the button to go down and wanted to karate chop the elevator doors.
I get to the lobby of the building that I work in and walk outside and am greeted with a super cold blast of cold air and snow. I was so angry that I was walking as fast as I could to my car and slipping and sliding all over the place. I got into my car and screamed. I was so angry that I couldn't see anything. I wanted to rip my steering wheel off , I was so upset.
After about 30 seconds, I realized that being that way was childish, so I composed myself and began to drive.
Well, the snow plows hadn't done their job that afternoon. I was slipping and sliding all over the place. When you're alone on the road, it can be fun, but being that there are 50 million other drivers doing the same thing and liable to hit your car, you'd think otherwise.
After almost hitting a fire hydrant and crying some more, I wanted to go home. By home, I mean, Mom and Dad's house. No matter where I am, wherever my parent's are is home even when I move into my new home in a few weeks with my husband.
I drove back there and pulled into the driveway where my dad opens the door and shouts at me from the house "Is your car screwed up again?"
When I didn't say anything and he noticed my face, he asked me what was wrong. All I did was burst into tears and say "I hate snow!!!"
I was going to wait out the storm and drive home later, but when my mom came home from work, she told me in one of those tones of voice that mean, "Uh uh, little girl, you stay put." I ended up staying the night since the roads were pretty bad.
I told my mom what had happened to me that day and she felt sorry for me. She also told me that she'd like to beat up my bosses. My mom understands me and even she knows what proper ettiquette is being how my grandma was a stickler for it. My parents raised me well and they know that I'm not going to be burping or hiccuping on purpose just for the attention or because I think it's funny.
My mom told me she also thinks that I'm depressed.
I agree with her. I didn't want to move back to KS in the first place, but I really had no choice. I work at a place that doesn't even pay me close enough for what my degree is worth. I pay an exhorbitant amount of money for rent at an apartment complex that requires that I pay over $2000 in order to break my lease. I'm running out of money. I can't pay my bills. All the friends that I used to have her e are either married, moved away, have kids, dead or are deadbeats. I have three friends left here. It's too expensive to go out and party. All I've been doing is pining away for my Florida and my husband (well, soon to be husband)
But I'm also worried that when I move back to FL that I will be discriminated against because I'm pregnant, therefore not getting a job, paying my bills and getting the necessary health insurance for myself and my baby. I already have a house there and a "provider", even though I told him I was going to feel weird with him paying for all my stuff. I'm worried about my finances.
I told my sister Ana yesterday about what they had said to me at work. "Ren, they just want to get rid of you." She's right. I've been feeling that way all week.
I'm going to Jacksonville for a week the first week of March. I've been talking to Bank of America about working for them and I've been looking for all sorts of jobs. I'm going so that I can see my new house and meet my new family, catch up with old friends and look for work. I'm hoping that I can get a job and get out of here!
I realize now that it's kind of funny when I write that I cried about my car almost blowing up and that I wanted to karate chop the elevator doors, but I was so angry! I rarely let myself get angry. At least I can laugh about it now.
If my current employers don't need me, then fine. I know a few people that need me, my husband and my child. And maybe a cool employer that is cool having a hard working pregnant woman on their "team"
If I'm useless to someone else, I know I can be USEFUL to other people.
I wake up, do my usual thing, get ready, take my vitamins, and I go outside to scrape the ice of my car as I have done every morning since it has turned cold.
(This whole snow and ice thing is getting really old. Anyone who likes snow can trade places with me immediately)
I warm up my car, let it run for about 15 minutes and I begin to drive to work. Less than three blocks away from my apartment, my car begins to act crazy. There's a boiling and whirring sound coming from under the hood of my car that does not sound reassuring. My speedometer is going haywire going from 45 mph to 60 mph just on its own.
All I can think of, as usual, "WHY ME?!!!!"
I kept praying to God, "I don't want to die, I don't want my unborn child to die. Lord, I know I've been a bad person and I'm sorry and I'm asking for true forgiveness. RIGHT NOW!!!!!! WAH!!!!!!!!"
I called my dad, The Rescuer, and told him that I would be stopping by to take my mom's car or one of his many other cars to work since I didn't want myself or my baby to be blown to bits. All this time, my car is making that crazy sound and I'm crying and I'm thinking, "I just want to GET OUT OF KANSAS!!!!"
I stop off at mom and dad's house, get my mom's car and drive to work.
I get there and all of my work that I've done this past week has been completed and so have all of my suspenses to check on work that has been requested, which has been requested and finalized. So I sat around trying to think of what to do.
I asked if it would be okay to clean and dust and wash windows. I was told yes, so I did that.
After I finish cleaning, (mind you , I'm "The Flash" when it comes to cleaning. In fact , I'm like that when it comes to any kind of work that I do) I ask if there's anything else that I can do. They said, "No" and I thought to myself, "Well, hell! I want to go home so I can sleep. I want to go shopping for clothes or something! I'm going stir crazy here"
The mail came and I did that work. I sat around asking people if there was anything that I could watch them do or learn or even help them do. No. Nothing.
Towards the middle of the afternoon, close to "going home" time, I noticed it start to snow. Again.
I mentioned to my boss if it would be okay for me to leave early. She actually said, "Shut the door, there's something that I want to talk to you about."
I thought to myself, "What have I done now?"
I sat there across from her while she listed off a few things that I was doing and that I was not doing.
"Your personal sounds are really annoying."
"Oh, I know," I told her. "I've stopped making my "Happy Sounds."" I make chirping sounds when I'm happy. Since they've told me that it's improper to make those noises, I'm no longer a chirpy little person. I'm a sad person.
"No, I'm talking about your hiccuping"
Recently, since finding out that I'm pregnant, my digestive tract has gone haywire again. The first time it went haywire was when I came back to my lovely home state and discovered that all my nice veggies and good food would be no more since they cost out the wazoo here. Lots of fatty foods and processed crap! I feel like a sloth now eating what the rest of the Midwest Heifers eat.
I've been burping a lot (unfortunately, some food does come up) and trying to keep it under my breath, but people can still hear it. So in order to combat my loud burps, I've been hiccuping a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot.
If I can't burp, I hiccup. Since I know (and you all now know) that hiccuping is less invasive than burping, I figure it's better than having to burp under my breath and run the risk of vomiting all over my computer.
I apologized that my hiccuping was being disruptive, but I gave her an explanantion as to why I've been doing them. I mean, I am sorry, I didn't realize that they were THAT disruptive.
She didn't buy that. "Do you realize how unprofessional that is? It's also annoying to have to keep a tally of how many times you hiccup in a five minute time span. I also think that you do them for attention"
My thing is that the only real contact that we have with agents outside our office is through the phone and email. When I answer the phone, I KNOW to not hiccup. I try not to hiccup around people when they're on the phone. I can't help it-you want to tell my stomach to stop, go ahead. However, my digestive track has a mind of its own.
She also mentioned to me that since my news of my pregnancy this past week, that I am in limbo. "you need to find something to do. "
Uh, hello?! Haven't I been doing strange things anyways that aren't in my job title?
"Now that you're pregnant, we don't really need you. If you were going to stay here, we could use you, but you say that you're getting married and moving back to Florida. The only reason we're keeping you is because we know you need the health insurance."
I sat there across from her with my eyebrows raised, which I think is the first time I've done so in the many "ettiquette" lectures I've received from her and my other boss. I actually got upset. I could feel the anger and the rage begin to build up inside of me and begin to crawl up my back.
I wanted to say a few things to her. But then I realized that after trying to explain myself, and also reminding her that the Chairman of our company farts in the office like there's no tomorrow (which I think is kind of funny, but also pretty invasive) that I would probably say a few things that I shouldn't, so I kept my mouth shut, and smiled and nodded.
This whole week I've been feeling useless at work. My new promotion has been taken away from me because I'm now pregant and moving back to Florida. So, I have no work now to do. There's a new girl doing my old work and so I am "useless'' to the company.
Honestly, they don't pay me enough to deal with their kind of stuff. If they can't be understanding and have to be uptight about not just mine, but my coworkers little habits, then how are they going to keep employees around?
She kept me 20 minutes over to tell me that my hiccups were annoying and that they didn't need my services anymore, but they'll keep me around just because.
I grabbed my coat, my scarf and hat and my purse and walked out of the office. As I began to walk towards the elevators, the anger just started boiling, just like my car had done earlier. I pressed the button to go down and wanted to karate chop the elevator doors.
I get to the lobby of the building that I work in and walk outside and am greeted with a super cold blast of cold air and snow. I was so angry that I was walking as fast as I could to my car and slipping and sliding all over the place. I got into my car and screamed. I was so angry that I couldn't see anything. I wanted to rip my steering wheel off , I was so upset.
After about 30 seconds, I realized that being that way was childish, so I composed myself and began to drive.
Well, the snow plows hadn't done their job that afternoon. I was slipping and sliding all over the place. When you're alone on the road, it can be fun, but being that there are 50 million other drivers doing the same thing and liable to hit your car, you'd think otherwise.
After almost hitting a fire hydrant and crying some more, I wanted to go home. By home, I mean, Mom and Dad's house. No matter where I am, wherever my parent's are is home even when I move into my new home in a few weeks with my husband.
I drove back there and pulled into the driveway where my dad opens the door and shouts at me from the house "Is your car screwed up again?"
When I didn't say anything and he noticed my face, he asked me what was wrong. All I did was burst into tears and say "I hate snow!!!"
I was going to wait out the storm and drive home later, but when my mom came home from work, she told me in one of those tones of voice that mean, "Uh uh, little girl, you stay put." I ended up staying the night since the roads were pretty bad.
I told my mom what had happened to me that day and she felt sorry for me. She also told me that she'd like to beat up my bosses. My mom understands me and even she knows what proper ettiquette is being how my grandma was a stickler for it. My parents raised me well and they know that I'm not going to be burping or hiccuping on purpose just for the attention or because I think it's funny.
My mom told me she also thinks that I'm depressed.
I agree with her. I didn't want to move back to KS in the first place, but I really had no choice. I work at a place that doesn't even pay me close enough for what my degree is worth. I pay an exhorbitant amount of money for rent at an apartment complex that requires that I pay over $2000 in order to break my lease. I'm running out of money. I can't pay my bills. All the friends that I used to have her e are either married, moved away, have kids, dead or are deadbeats. I have three friends left here. It's too expensive to go out and party. All I've been doing is pining away for my Florida and my husband (well, soon to be husband)
But I'm also worried that when I move back to FL that I will be discriminated against because I'm pregnant, therefore not getting a job, paying my bills and getting the necessary health insurance for myself and my baby. I already have a house there and a "provider", even though I told him I was going to feel weird with him paying for all my stuff. I'm worried about my finances.
I told my sister Ana yesterday about what they had said to me at work. "Ren, they just want to get rid of you." She's right. I've been feeling that way all week.
I'm going to Jacksonville for a week the first week of March. I've been talking to Bank of America about working for them and I've been looking for all sorts of jobs. I'm going so that I can see my new house and meet my new family, catch up with old friends and look for work. I'm hoping that I can get a job and get out of here!
I realize now that it's kind of funny when I write that I cried about my car almost blowing up and that I wanted to karate chop the elevator doors, but I was so angry! I rarely let myself get angry. At least I can laugh about it now.
If my current employers don't need me, then fine. I know a few people that need me, my husband and my child. And maybe a cool employer that is cool having a hard working pregnant woman on their "team"
If I'm useless to someone else, I know I can be USEFUL to other people.
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