Contemplating the Facts

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Contemplating the Facts

Current mood:  hopeful

Category: Life

I sit here in my parents house in KS contemplating a few things that have occurred this summer.

Newly graduated from college, I had a fresh outlook on my future.

I had just moved into a new place, I was going abroad, I had a steady job that I actually had for a semester before graduating college. Things were looking up.

But of course, by Newton's Law of Gravity - "things must come back down"

I just hadn't anticipated it to be so soon after graduating.

Five weeks after graduating, while in another country, I was told that I had to find other housing, thus rendering me homeless. I was determined to not go home (meaning, home to my parents in KS)

A week after being informed of my new housing status, I was also told by my boss that if I didn't not return to the US within two weeks, I was to lose my job. That sent me over the edge.

However, I came back to Florida with some of my sanity intact and a job (although I fell into the worst depression I have ever in my life experienced during this past summer. Thank God I'm no longer depressed). I continued to work my job, stayed with a friend while looking for housing and tried to make something of my life.

Unfortunately, things did not work in my favor for staying in Florida. As much as I love FL, it is entirely too expensive to live in the state, even though it's less expensive than California. I kept getting phone calls long distance to come home.

I honestly didn't want to go home. I would feel like a failure for not being able to make it out by myself, with or without roommates. But things happen for a reason. Reasons that we as human beings cannot explain.

I packed up what I could fit into my little car and decided that I would drive home. Whatever didn't fit in my car, I would have to leave behind. I didn't want to have to leave my dishes behind or sell them to someone who wouldn't appreciate them like I would because, well, those were my grandmothers. Sentimental, I know, but when someone you were close to for such a long time dies and leaves you these kinds of things, it's hard to let go. There has been a lot of death and people leaving in my family. I try to keep memories of them by seeing things they used long ago close to me. A few of my friends didn't want to see my things being sold, as did I and they've been kind enough to keep them for me. But, I'll have to get all new furniture.

After a week in begrudging transit, I finally made it home, thinking that I would be able to stay with my parents and move back into my old room.

My old room? I don't HAVE a room. My "room" is the living room.

On top of that, since my father had lost his job last year, finances on my father's side of the household have been tight. His money has run out. However, my mom doesn't seem to realize this. Even though my parents have been married to each other for almost 25 years, their finances have been separate from one another, but go together towards the house and the bills. My mother continues to go out and spend hundreds of dollars on worthless merchandise that she already has in droves. Like teapots. Or pillows. Or whisks. and a whole bunch of other stuff.

My father is so hard up for money that he asked me to pay the electric bill this month. I asked him how much it was for the month and he mentioned that it was $160 or something around that figure. I balked!

"How can the two of you run up a bill that high?!"

The air conditioning, he replies.

First of all, Kansas may be in the Midwest and may not have those ocean breezes that I accustomed myself to for the past two years, but open some windows! Turn on the fans! Who needs air conditioning when it's not even that humid?!

"Your mother needs that"

Uh, no, she doesn't. If I can live in a house where barely any windows open and have just a single window unit, AND have no circulation, my mother can survive temperatutes of 75 degrees without AC.

You'd be surprised at what you can go without for the sake of your pocketbook.

My mother sat me down when I came home two weeks ago and mentioned that I would be required to pay rent. It didn't bother me that she said that. I'm a graduate and I've been paying rent for the past two years other places, but when she told me how much I would have to pay, I put my foot down.

Five hundred dollars. Perhaps more due to increase in utility usage.

Excuse me?! You want me to pay the both of you $500 a month just to sleep on a couch in the middle of the house? I don't even get my own room back! I don't even get to watch TV! I can't take a shower without someone popping their head in asking me to either get out of the shower or to merely ask if I knew where the remote was! And you want me to pay $500?!!!!

For that amount of money, I could pay two-thirds rent on my OWN apartment. I could start paying on my student loans, which are going to kick in next month. There's another $400 a month down the drain. Luckily I've been able to keep my job with the people I worked for in FL by working from home, and on top of that with the wages from my new job.

I finally found an apt yesterday where I can pretty much have a ton of space, lots of ammenities AND have most of my utilities, including cable, but not electric. I have my own FULL SIZED washer and dryer inside my own unit.

Anyhow, so today I finally signed a lease for my own apartment and I'm very excited.

However my mom is a little miffed at me as I informed her yesterday that I would require my money for my first month's rent. She "sat" me down and tried to explain to me that my dad didn't have any money.

I know this. Do you?

Yes.

I don't think so. My mother continues to buy stuff and at one time, berated my dad for not having a job and for her having to take on his truck payments and so on etc.

I hope that when I'm in a long term relationship that I do not turn into my mother.

I have one more month on the couch until I move in.

Fingers crossed.