Sorry Sadness

Friday, July 29, 2005

 Sorry Sadness

Current mood:  depressed

I hate TV. It just pulls my mood down.

As I was doing my normal babysitting routine tonight, I put the TV on. Here at my house, we don't have cable because, personally, I don't watch it unless it has movie channels that I enjoy, like HBO. I don't have time to watch the other stuff because I usually have schoolwork to do or something else to do. And I don't want to have to pay for something I really don't have time to use.

I watched a program about our soldiers over in Iraq and became very depressed.

I dated a Marine for awhile last year. We met over drinks at a bar in San Diego and dated for a few months until I unceremoniosly dumped him for El Cubano, which was a big mistake, but more details in another post.

My Marine would tell me stories about his tours in Iraq. That's right, he went TWICE and they were thinking about sending him a third time before his tour was up. He would call me late at night and describe in detail things he saw. These nightmares he had would replay constantly and he sought me out for solace and comfort. I would listen as best as I could handle some of these stories. I have a pretty strong stomach, but one story in particular has put me permanently off a particular flavor of yogurt that I happened to be eating as he was telling me over the phone.

The stories that these soldiers on the tube told were sad. One man was so lucky to be able to be alive and have the use of ONE limb. The rest he lost when his truck went over a land mine and literally blew him to bits. The other two guys were in their final year of tour duty and one of them had to go back a third time. He thinks he had Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and has to take medicine for it. This one guy also feels that he cannot confide in a psychiatrist because his fellow soldiers would think he's "a pussy" as he put it.

I never cry, but I cried for the entire hour that this show aired. It shows that these men are someone's sons or brothers and so on. They have feeling too, but apparently it seems that they've seen so much death that they are all immune to it all. It's just so sad.

One guy joined up because he knew the Army would give him the money to start for school. That's the guy with one limb left. He has to use prosthetics. But he seems optimistic about the future and he even got married while still in the hospital.

I pray for all (all the soldiers out there)--for their safety out in the field and for their safe returns and recoveries from any injuries they've received while out in battle.

On a somewhat lighter note, those are all the guys I seem to be attracted to. Military men with their uniforms and their sad stories.

My Marine said that I was a good listener and had a very comforting persona.

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