Life's Little Rain Clouds

Friday, July 14, 2006

Life's Little Rain Clouds

Current mood:  calm

Category: Life

I have to say - sometimes this deep depression of mine can actually have its funny moments.

I'm here at work, again, trying to figure out what exactly to tell my boss when I see him next. My mind has been racing with things to say all week.

Since Wednesday, I've been on such an emotional rollercoaster with all the things I'm trying to sell. I've been so attached to them, but I need to get rid of all of it. What doesn't fit in my little car has to go. What I'll be taking with me are my movies, books and clothes, among a few other things. Those items will take up most of the room in my car.

When you work your ass for things and then have to give them up, let them go, etc - it hurts. Marisa had mentioned that I'm "packing your life away and selling parts of your soul" And I began to cry. A lot.

I guess it also doesn't help that I'm on my period, so that makes my hormones out of whack, but I've noticed that I'm crying. I never cry, so this is really difficult for me to deal with. blah blah blah

So, as I was saying, I'm here at work, trying not to make a scene or have an episode where they may have to call the SWAT team because I've turned psycho, etc. I've been thinking about all this bullshit that I've had to wade through and deal with. It's not fun, nor do I wish anything like this on anybody - no matter how bad a person they are.

I've been trying really hard not to point the finger or blame anybody for this whole housing mess, but that's like trying to tell a kid not to put their finger in a light socket and then they get electrocuted. I'm seething with anger. I want to beat somebody up. I want to take karate and beat the shit out the practice dummies that are used in class. But, I'm trying to do the Christian thing and not point the finger. I'm trying to be nice.

But, I don't want to be nice. I want to make a scene. I want to scream and yell, but then I think of how idiotic and ridiculous I would look and how people would begin to say or otherwise tell me, "that's not very adultlike" Well, excuse me here, people - I've been an adult since I was 8. I've had to deal with a whole lot more crap than most other people my age, so I think it's time for me to regress a little and bring out the Child Inside and let her scream her head off.

But as I was saying, the ethical side is pushing the Inner Child down and so, I've had the worst day at work so far. Perhaps it's because the weekend is at my doorstep, but I'm not going to get to enjoy it because I'll be at work some more.

This whole week, in and out of work, I've been so absent minded that I've forgotten my debit card at the gas station, forgotten my phone at home, left my purse in my car, forgotten to roll up my windows at night, etc. For me to do this kind of stuff is very unlike me.

I stroll into work today and there's an email from my boss asking me how many Player Pages I've gotten done so far, what login and passwords had I sent out, which pages were loaded, blah blah blah. Without thinking, I sent everyone in the system a login and password. Which I wasn't supposed to do. Then the server at work went down, the Internet quit, my iPod froze and died and lost all of its music, and when I thought it couldn't get any worse, I decided to go take a walk and call my mum.

I noticed that while I was walking outside, it was sunny. It was also sprinkling. As I was hashing out my horrible day to my mother, the sprinkling turned to rain. I was in search of a sandwich and I was telling my mom how upset I was and how I really didn't want to go home, but that I was going to end up being homeless if I stayed here so I was going home etc, it began to pour.

You see, folks, I did not have an umbrella. I didn't know it was going to rain at all. So I kept walking, thinking it would let up.

Yeah. Right.

I lost a shoe.

My phone shorted out.

I was SOAKING wet.

I was crying.

I was mad.

I got stuck in the elevator.

I was accosted by a homeless man for money. (which made me cry some more. It made me think of how I didn't want to end up like him)

Later on, after I had calmed down some, Karen mentioned that there was an email from somebody who had a really, very hard to pronounce middle name. She first pronounced it for me, "Emunkinterdz" I asked her to spell it for me and when she spelled it out for me, at the very end, when she was done, I was like, "Hold up, there!" I go over to her desk and look on her computer screen and what I read was, Joe I. Taurelli. The 'I' was in quotes and said "Imunchonturds"

When I pronounced it, she fell to the floor laughing. It had to have been a joke because we're a very professional company and we normally don't receive spam. We were laughing about that for about 40 minutes. Later on, as I was about to walk out the door, the phone rang and it was our boss telling us that we received a request for the e-newsletter from "someone named Joe". Karen had mentioned, "Oh, yeah, we've been laughing about that for a while now"

Our boss hadn't realized what his middle name was. And he began to howl with laughter.

Which brings me to...

I'm sad that, even though I don't get paid very much, I'll be leaving my job. My boss and his wife are pretty nice people, but here in St. Augustine, if you want to live, having nice bosses doesn't cut it. You have to get paid loads if you want to live here. So, I don't know how to tell them that I have to leave. On top of that, they're going on vacation next week and will be gone for a long time. So I believe you can see what I'm going through.

I was so angry and sad earlier, but now I can laugh because, honestly, it is funny if you think about it. Things like this just seem to happen to me, but for me to explain them all to you wouldn't make sense.

It just reminded me of a cartoon where the main character is perpetually followed by a black raincloud and it doesn't ever go away.

But in my case, the weather is now sunny again.

At least for a little bit.